The Art of Conversation
How effective are your conversations?
Conversations are how teams think together.
Conversations are at the heart collaborative agility.
How effective are your conversations?
We’re always in a conversation – with ourselves – with other people.
How do you know you have been in a good conversation?
How masterful are you really?
The path to mastery in conversation demands practice. Just like everything else. I wonder where you are on mastering the key conversation skills?
If you get bored in meetings or frustrated that no one is listening – to you or anyone else then look in the mirror – in what way are you part of the problem?
A key indicator that you have just had a good conversation is that everyone involved is fundamentally changed. The conversation converts them, changes them, moves them. Ideas are developed. Paradigms are shifted. We advance together. Great conversations stir people at a deep level. They stir the soul. We co-create reality together. They are the source of collaborative agility and collective intelligence.
How good are you and your teams – at all levels of your business in co-creating conversations that drive your business forward?
There are core conversational skills that we can all get better at. They grow out of your ability to listen.
When these three skills are practiced together, used by teams, they create collaborative collective intelligence. They create alignment and joint ownership.
Apparently simple, they are deceptively powerful and you need never sit through another boring meeting in your life!.
Lets get into them.
Skill 1 Bottom Lining:
Help people (including you) get to the point.
“What exactly is it you’re trying to say, what’s the bottom line?”
Help people say it once – an idea doesn’t get better by saying it 3 times.
“So what exactly is your idea, what’s the bottom line?”
Use metaphors to describe complex issues.
“Could you bottom line your idea using a metaphor what would you say, it’s like a what?”
Agree on your teams – if people are waffling – you all have the permission to interrupt them and ask them to “bottom line”.
It’s really not rude to intrude – it will help create clarity!
Get sharp. Get effective. Make a difference.
Skill 2 Pass The Ball
In most meetings some people often dominate the conversation (you know who they are!)
“Pass the ball’ is a simple way to ensure that all voices are heard.
Whenever someone finishes speaking, it is their responsibility to ‘pass the ball’ to the next person…and they choose who to pass it to.
You want to include as wide a range of perspectives as possible in order to tap into the team’s collective intelligence.
Notice how rare this skill is. Simply observe in a day full of conversations how rarely people actively pass the ball to encourage the contribution of others in a conversation.
Skill 3 What I Like About What You Said… AND…
This is the idea building and appreciative listening skill.
As soon as the ball is passed to you – the VERY FIRST thing you say is:
“What I like about what you have just said is …..X, Y and Z”
Then you add your thoughts by adding AND…
But what if you can’t find something you like about your colleagues point of view”?
GREAT! When this happens – you have a choice.
Do you create an argument, invest in the win/lose dynamic, and try to win?
Or are you able – live – to find something (even if its just 2% of what they have said) that you do like about what your colleague has just contributed?
Are you available to have your thinking include their thinking?
Can you step into “both and” and away from “either or” thinking?
It’s amazing how many great ideas can be born if they are not killed at birth!
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So next time you’re in a meeting try out these game changing conversation skills and see what happens – let us know – we’d love to hear from you.
Take a week and notice how often these skills are being used by you in your conversations.
If you want to make a difference – then do something differently. Be the change you wish to see in the world. Become a source of life-giving conversations.
